the funeral day

Yesterday was the funeral of my friend rhian. She went to primary and secondary school with me. She was purely tigger in every way. She was a carer, an au pair, and just an awesome person. She fell off the story bridge in brisbane last week or so.
The funeral itself was quite nice, a huge amount made an appearance and it was actually quite nice to see school people again. One of the things i was dreading most actually! After the service and the crem, everyone went to the pub in town to celebrate her memory. Lots of alcohol was drunk, memorys relayed, and a bit of dancing was had too! All the girls bar me and kiri were telling tales of their kids (which in itself was odd!) and everyones doing brilliantly with their lives. Which had put a downer on things cause its made me realise how shit mine actually is! I've done fuck all since i left. Just a long line of failiures.
After talking to rhian's mum, brother and dad, and finally persuading people to let me go, i got back to ad's where tom was waiting for me. I wanted to crash but off out we went. Met up with kiri again and saw everyone from college who i haven't seen for years! Al, jay, mike, harry, dennis, kraig, everyone! Yesterday was so surreal! It was nice and all but tiring at the same time. Its been so long since i've socialised!
So yeah, my life, big pile of shit. Everyone else is a dentist, working in a bank, or other good jobs. Great eh! I've no idea where to go from here.