Yesterday was the funeral of my friend rhian. She went to primary and secondary school with me. She was purely tigger in every way. She was a carer, an au pair, and just an awesome person. She fell off the story bridge in brisbane last week or so.
The funeral itself was quite nice, a huge amount made an appearance and it was actually quite nice to see school people again. One of the things i was dreading most actually! After the service and the crem, everyone went to the pub in town to celebrate her memory. Lots of alcohol was drunk, memorys relayed, and a bit of dancing was had too! All the girls bar me and kiri were telling tales of their kids (which in itself was odd!) and everyones doing brilliantly with their lives. Which had put a downer on things cause its made me realise how shit mine actually is! I've done fuck all since i left. Just a long line of failiures.
After talking to rhian's mum, brother and dad, and finally persuading people to let me go, i got back to ad's where tom was waiting for me. I wanted to crash but off out we went. Met up with kiri again and saw everyone from college who i haven't seen for years! Al, jay, mike, harry, dennis, kraig, everyone! Yesterday was so surreal! It was nice and all but tiring at the same time. Its been so long since i've socialised!
So yeah, my life, big pile of shit. Everyone else is a dentist, working in a bank, or other good jobs. Great eh! I've no idea where to go from here.
Funerals and get togetheres
Loving the laughs at the moment. Went to see Dara O'Briain on Saturday at the Liverpool Philharmonic. Was awesome even though the audience didn't give him much. Saw Frankie Boyle a month or so ago, and next month I've got tickets to see Sean Lock :) Huzzah!!
Aside from that, me and adam are ok again. He came with me to Liverpool but didn't seem too chuffed about most things aside from Dara. I miss Ina dead loads. Tried calling, no answer and its ages between emails. siiiiiiiiiiigh.
At the moment I'm looking for jobs and I'm going to start enquiring at places to do a Make-Up course. Seeing as that's what I spend most of my time playing with and buying I may as well make it into a career.. or at least try.
Not looking forward to having to spend time with umpa-loompas though.
Last night went shopping with Tom. He spent £120ish on mainly alcohol. He's a criminal cocktailer. Although we did get this fantastically tacky orb full of raspberry liquor and my, its heavenly!!
Thats all really :)
You've done it again.
you've pushed yet another person away and why? cause you're a fucking grumbling bitch.
Adam tells me i've been slagging him off behind his back. Which, as far as i'm aware I haven't done since new years when I was having a shit night and technically spent new years crossing a road with some junkie. The past couple of months with him have been great! I was a bit hurt he decided to spend valentines with his mates but I just said ok, and let it be. He bought me gorgeous choccs anyways. And then out of the blue - bam. I don't even know who I've been slagging him off to! I dont talk or see anyone.
I miss him.
I've spent the past few days in tears and i've stayed in my room. I stink. I just want to run away now. Without him there's nothing left for me round here. I might go get a train tomorrow and just leave. Don't know even how long for. Just everything reminds me of him. Walking round wrexham I saw hundreds of his tags.. ones that had obviously been there some time but decided to jump out at me even more yesterday.
I just dont know what to do.
Anyone who really knows me, knows that I miss my Dad's side of the family (and openly prefer them to my mums side). Especially my Auntie Mal and Uncle Ted.
They're the fun side. The side that knows how to drink and laugh. Since Mal died and Ted moved down to Devon to be closer to Maggie and Brian (his kids) it's pretty much just me and Dad.
Well this year this hopefully might change. I've been emailing my cousin Dawn (and now her sister Jenny - Dad's brother's daughters) and we're hopefully gonna meet up and have a Mal themed breakfast. She was legendary for her fry-ups. So, we figured that'd be the best way since we all miss her terribly.
My rents and their rents never really got on and they dont really get on with their rents so, we figured we should get to know eachother without the hassle of the rents meh-ness.
*nods*
thats all really.. Just figured I'd write something.
I got a case for all my MAC make-up off the momma as well as some other stuff but the best being - remember the three flying ducks that were all the rage in like, the seventies? well I have better!! flying swallows!! they're brass and I have no idea how they're gonna be stuck to the wall but, goddamnit, they will take pride of place somewhere (I'm running out of room.. I need a flat!)
got money off the family and on boxing day mum remembered that I had a
parcel a while back with "don't open till xmas" on it. I had no idea
about it! Simon had sent me a ginormous Nightmare Before Christmas
snowglobe and a lotto ticket. I have no idea how to repay him, in fact
everyone's having to wait until the end of January for christmas from
me. I'm just too poor.New year was fab! yeah it had it's downsides but for the most of it.. fantastic!
I went to Kiri's new pad and the old college 'crew' were there. Carly from school was there too, just loads of people I miss and rarely get to see anymore. Quite a few I'm still non the wiser to who they were but meh.The Wii was out and the twister.. along with an insane amount of beer and spirits. So I stayed there for a good few hours. Then just before midnight I left to walk into town to meet up with Adam for new years itself but the pub was locked and he wasn't answering his phone. So technically, I spent new years walking down a road and the first Happy New Year I got was off a chavvy smack head... great way to start the year! That really pissed me off actually so as soon as I got to Kiri's I downed a ton of shots then was back to being merry :P About 3am-ish Shaun walked me into town to meet up with Ad. He didn't look very impressed to see Shaun to be fair.. but it's not exactly safe for a lass on her own to walk through town alone at that time. Off to the kebab shop we went then home and watched a movie or two then snuggled up in bed. That's how we've spent the past few days really.. We haven't been waking up before 3pm. The other day it was nearly 6! Not complaining though :P
But yeah, once people start taking down their decorations I'll be happy. I'm not a fan of christmas anymore. it couldn't be further from magical these days.
Hope everyone had a good holiday though!
xx
How chuffed was I this morning?! I got a parcle off ebay!
I haven't bought anything, I know that, so I wondered what the deuce it was. Opened it.. and what did I find? Ebay themed christmas lights for my PC!!! How amazing is that?! I'll post a photo of them when I get home.
They're usb fairy lights spelling out Ebay in the trademark colours with holly sprigs on each end. Seriously, is that not THE best promotional item ever?! Who ever thought of that was a genius!
I had really weird dreams last night. Cant remember what they were about now mind, did until about 3ish though.
Anyways, Woke up, made the usual brew and then decided to actually do something. Made a new ring. Haven't made one for nearly 9-10 months now. doesn't feel that long though. Might post a photo tomorrow.
Then spent the day in front of the fire watching shit, then was woken up by Tom sneaking into the house then being disappointed that I foiled his ninja ways.
Mum went out tonight with 3 of the neighbours.. it's a monthly thing. Strange but she's taken joy in telling them about my Dad and his marvellous cake thing he made last week.
Dad went to Ironbridge museum about a month ago now (It's an old fashioned place that make old school bread, sweets, all sorts really - not a bad place), and one of the people he went with remembered that they bought bread from there and forgot to eat it. So, as it was only stale she made bread and butter pudding. Work loved it and so, since he did the same with the bread he decided that Bread and Butter pudding was a good idea! So, the next night that was his mission. Into the cupboards he went to find raisins and curranty things. He found some and proceeded to soak them in sherry for 2 days. Anyways, he made it, took it into work with some cream and everyone loved it. Raved about it for days.
Then... Mum went round for him to help fix something with the car before picking me up from Adams last week and he told her about it. A nervous giggle came from her. "you haven't bought any cake making things since I left have you..."
Dad - "no.." Those bloody raisins and stuff have been there since she divorced him. Well, probably about 1-2 years before she divorced him since she didn't bake in the last few years. Which means.... they've been there about 10 years!! he could have killed them!!
What I'm scared about though, I'm 90% traits from my dad. What the fuck am I going to grow into??
I realise now, not many of you are aware how bad my dad is. He collects everything and anything. You can barely get into his house anymore. He doesn't tidy the place.. to get to the kitchen, you have to go through the dining room. The dining room is about head hight in stuff with a small path through. Once he starts a project it rarely gets finished. His shed has jam-jars nailed to the roof and are full of nails and junk. So many jam jars that the roof is caving in!
My room, in some ways, is worse than his dining room. Only that I have the misfortune of my room being 60% smaller. Basically, the house hasn't changed since we left. Only difference is there's no one to stop him.
Theres no hope for me :P
It really is a family trait.. my Aunt is the same!
Anyways, Tonight, I was flicking channels after refusing to go get drunk with Tom (not in a sociable mood - surprise surprise!) and found an amazing show on Louis Prima (for those of you not interested in the same music as me - He did the voice for King Louis in Disney's Jungle Book). I adore his music and it never fails to cheer me up. so I'm a bit more bouncy tonight. Especially since Mark Lamarr's radio show was just on, but still, the world can do one.
Only thing that wierded me out was it was a production by BBC Wales. Just a random bit of the BBC to decide to make it. Wales - American-Italian Big Band/Jazz/Swing.
but yes, thats me tonight. Tomorrow Mum has great intentions of wallpapering my room. cannot be fucked.
I don't even know where to start! Life has been a little bit mental since the summer. The rollercoaster has mainly consisted of Adam's life. From him being homeless and his landlady stealing his stuff, to him taking an overdose, and his mum telling me something that has put me in a hard position within 5 minutes of meeting me.
and all through this I've constantly been shat on by him. Throughout the summer I lent him over £300. that's money I was given for my birthday (which was fucking shit anyways) and how much have I had back? £20. Between that and the fucking constant support I dole out to him all he gives me is shit. and I'm sick of it.
The other week I was scared about the op, only that I went to see him he didn't give two shits. If I don't call him I get shit, however its perfectly fine if he doesn't call me.
I'm just sick of all this drama that comes along with him.
I haven't got the energy to even sit at the computer any more. I just sit on a floor somewhere in some room hoping everything would just fuck off. To be fair, I could disappear and noone would notice/give a shit.
I saw Kiri. Shaun, Maz and some of the old college crew the other weekend for Maz's birthday. That was just awkward. I've seen Kendal, what, 3 times in about eight months.
And as much as I want to break down and tell my pain psychologist how fucked I am, the fake happy-go-lucky holly comes out so I don't get thrown into some asylum. I wouldn't even know how to explain or even describe what's going on in my head.
The only, and I mean only, good thing to come of the past few months is my addiction to Mark Lamarr. Purely down to the fact that I've spent all my time lying in bed watching an heroic amount of Never Mind The Buzzcocks. and, because of this, I've developed an obsession for Mark Lamarr.
I mean, I've always had a crush on him, but now its verging on dangerous. I forgot just hot great he was. Which makes me sadder that they've got that twat Amstell doing the presenting now. *shakes fist*
But yes, thats about it. if you want to ask specifics - go ahead. There's probably been a lot more going on. I just cant be arsed thinking about it.
Life has been bloody hectic since my last post. Biggest thing though, is I've had surgery yet again. They took the metal plates out of my face. This happened last Thursday. Be prepared for ugly Holly photos!
Got to the hospital at noonish, booked in a sat and waited. Saw the nurse who was nice enough, then one of the surgeon/doctors who couldn't have been nicer!! He was sweet, amusing although I could barely understand him at times... pure scottish! Next thing I know I'm called through, told to dress in a sexy medical gown and go watch tv in the smaller waiting room. They expected nervous women to watch snooker. nice. luckily I was there for 5 mins max then loaded onto a bed, prodded and poked by some surly women, needles shoved in my hands and started injecting stuff into me. Couldn't have been ruder if they'd have tried! Last words? Ask the surgeon if I can keep the plates!!
Next thing I know I'm in recovery with what feels like acid pooling in my nostrils and a bit sore in the mouth. Wasn't as bad as I expected. stayed there for a couple of minutes then taken to the ward. Reached there at 4.30pm, given some tissues to sort my nose out and a tablet for the pain then sat for half an hour and the nurses finally caved to my demands. FOOD!!! I hadn't eaten since about 8pm the night before when I went round to Adam's and ordered a pizza. So they gave me a couple of yoghurts, I sat there cross-legged on the bed bored out of my mind and surprised at how perky I felt. I haven't actually felt awful through the whole thing. I was shit scared the week or so beforehand.. but after... perfectly fine. So fine in fact the nurses let me go earlier than they really should have. I was meant to stay at least 3 hours in recovery.. they discharged me at 5.15pm. sweet!
Mum picked me up then we headed home from Chester via the supermarket for soup and more yoghurts. There I began to feel a bit ugh and started to bleed but didnt last too long. Got home, ate lots of soup, then slept. That's the only real difference (apart from only being able to fit teaspoons in my mouth) is being able to fall asleep instantly, anywhere.
I've got stitches all up inside the top of my lip and my face has swollen massively since Thursday. Although thankfully, today it's beginning to go down... think its because I'm eating ibuprofen like there's no tomorrow and sleeping on hot water bottles.
Tom's been coming round to see how I am and Adam's been txting me. Other than that no ones bothered. Mum bought me some flowers too. She also bought me some gummy bears which I thought was just plain cruel though.
Today was the first day I ventured out of the house. Mum took me on a road trip down to Ironbridge and we explored a bit down there. I refused to get out of the car in Ironbridge itself though, far too many people. I looked a right twat, blazing hot sunshine and me wrapped up with a fluffy scarf covering my face. So she ended up taking a side road and we ended up in some deserted craft place. Had a cuppa or three then carried on exploring. Then around 10ish Tom came round all jazzed up in his suit - complete with matching leopard print trilby, tie and braces - and said it was time for our weekly sunday drive. It's become habit now... Sunday nights on BBC radio2 are the best nights for music. All sorts of jazz, swing, big bang, all sorts from 1920-1960s. It's fantastic. So every Sunday we now go driving and listen to that. Tonight we ended up somehow in Glynceiriog... we have no idea how we got there either.
That's about it really. well, since Thursday anyways. All that's left now is my ugliness.
Ooh, I forgot to add, they wouldn't let me keep the plates (they're titanium, apparently that's worth lots, and knowing the NHS they'll probably be in someone else's face within the next few weeks) however, the nurse did bring them to show me before I left. I assumed I had something like meccano in my face. wrong! they look more like bra clasps or something! I had 8 screws and 2 plates either side of my nose. how weird is this -
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[this is good]we'll go together, if that makes it any easier.love you. read more
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